February 2018:
This is scary.
Because, so all of a sudden,
It hit me.
Feelings that I didn’t think
That I would be able to feel
Again.
Or at least,
Not for a very long time.
You’ve helped to open
The most hidden away parts
Of myself.
At first
I could not fathom
Sharing my whole life
With a different human.
The thought of
Being someone else’s
Was overwhelming,
To say the least.
To know someone
Takes so much
Time, commitment, and desire.
And yet you know me,
Almost as well
As he did.
And in even less time.
And you have spoken to me,
In my primary love language-
Quality time.
And without me asking for it.
You make
Time for me.
You go out of your way,
For me.
And that is all that I could ever ask for.
Time.
Although, I’m not saying
That I’m ready
To go all in.
But I think
That I am ready to go
Somewhere
With you.
March 2018:
You showed me
More effort,
Care,
And sweetness,
In just a few weeks’ time
Than my last relationship
That lasted for years.
It hasn’t been
Much time
But maybe
During the last year
Of friendship
I have been falling
For you.
Slowly, but steadily.
Until my heart
Was ready
And open enough
To hold you.
And maybe
You are exactly
What I needed
When I didn’t know that
I needed anything at all.
So, I surrender.
To the thought of us,
Being each other’s.
April 2018:
We’re never really ready.
Are we?
We are stubborn
And think that
We know what
Is best
For ourselves.
But sometimes
The best things
Come
When we are least
Wanting.
And I tried
Pushing you
Away.
I pushed the thought
Of you
Away.
I wasn’t “ready.”
But are we ever
Really ready?
And now
You’re more than
What I want.
And you are everything
That I could need.
May 2018:
You are the biggest goofball
That I know.
But sometimes
You take your own life
Too seriously.
I hope that I can help you to learn
How to be easy one yourself.
Because I learned how to
Be easy on myself
The hard way.
I hope that I can always
Be here for you
When life seems overwhelming
And the future seems uncertain.
Because you deserve
A hand to hold.
You deserve all of the support
Encouragement
And love
That this world has to offer.
I hope that I am
The person that you look to.
So I met this boy working at a local café. Our first interaction consisted of him rushing into the kitchen and nearly toppling over all of the food that I was bringing out. I said “Woah slow down there.” with some sass & then probably rolled my eyes. Little did I know that I needed his energy in my life. I needed his charisma and boldness. I needed his persistent spirit. His intense energy balances out with my mellow energy. He’s rubbed off on my quite a bit, luckily. I’ve opened up to him like I have done with only a couple of other people. We worked together for over a year but then left that company & went our separate ways. We stayed in touch but we were both pretty busy. We were both getting over hurt from past relationships. But this guy pursued friendship with me, even when I would hardly give him the time of day. He pursued me. He respected me. And I eventually developed a crush on him. We went to a concert back in February and I almost couldn’t even focus on the concert because of how badly I wanted to hold his hand.
Happy birthday Connor Raiford. Thank you for being my best friend, and the most caring boyfriend in the world. Twenty-three spins around the sun. I would feel so honored & hope to be by your side for the rest of your years to come. Thank you for taking the time to know me. Thank you for all of the many laughs. Thank you for being patient with me, and encouraging me every single day. I really do not know what I was doing without you all of this time.
