My Thoughts On You

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February 2018:

This is scary.

Because, so all of a sudden,

It hit me.

Feelings that I didn’t think

That I would be able to feel

Again.

Or at least,

Not for a very long time.

You’ve helped to open

The most hidden away parts

Of myself.

At first

I could not fathom

Sharing my whole life

With a different human.

The thought of

Being someone else’s

Was overwhelming,

To say the least.

To know someone

Takes so much

Time, commitment, and desire.

And yet you know me,

Almost as well

As he did.

And in even less time.

And you have spoken to me,

In my primary love language-

Quality time.

And without me asking for it.

You make

Time for me.

You go out of your way,

For me.

And that is all that I could ever ask for.

Time.

Although, I’m not saying

That I’m ready

To go all in.

But I think

That I am ready to go

Somewhere

With you.

March 2018:

You showed me

More effort,

Care,

And sweetness,

In just a few weeks’ time

Than my last relationship

That lasted for years.

It hasn’t been

Much time

But maybe

During the last year

Of friendship

I have been falling

For you.

Slowly, but steadily.

Until my heart

Was ready

And open enough

To hold you.

And maybe

You are exactly

What I needed

When I didn’t know that

I needed anything at all.

So, I surrender.

To the thought of us,

Being each other’s.

April 2018:

We’re never really ready.

Are we?

We are stubborn

And think that

We know what

Is best

For ourselves.

But sometimes

The best things

Come

When we are least

Wanting.

And I tried

Pushing you

Away.

I pushed the thought

Of you

Away.

I wasn’t “ready.”

But are we ever

Really ready?

And now

You’re more than

What I want.

And you are everything

That I could need.

May 2018:

You are the biggest goofball

That I know.

But sometimes

You take your own life

Too seriously.

I hope that I can help you to learn

How to be easy one yourself.

Because I learned how to

Be easy on myself

The hard way.

I hope that I can always

Be here for you

When life seems overwhelming

And the future seems uncertain.

Because you deserve

A hand to hold.

You deserve all of the support

Encouragement

And love

That this world has to offer.

I hope that I am

The person that you look to.

So I met this boy working at a local café. Our first interaction consisted of him rushing into the kitchen and nearly toppling over all of the food that I was bringing out. I said “Woah slow down there.” with some sass & then probably rolled my eyes. Little did I know that I needed his energy in my life. I needed his charisma and boldness. I needed his persistent spirit. His intense energy balances out with my mellow energy. He’s rubbed off on my quite a bit, luckily. I’ve opened up to him like I have done with only a couple of other people. We worked together for over a year but then left that company & went our separate ways. We stayed in touch but we were both pretty busy. We were both getting over hurt from past relationships. But this guy pursued friendship with me, even when I would hardly give him the time of day. He pursued me. He respected me. And I eventually developed a crush on him. We went to a concert back in February and I almost couldn’t even focus on the concert because of how badly I wanted to hold his hand.

Happy birthday Connor Raiford. Thank you for being my best friend, and the most caring boyfriend in the world. Twenty-three spins around the sun. I would feel so honored & hope to be by your side for the rest of your years to come. Thank you for taking the time to know me. Thank you for all of the many laughs.  Thank you for being patient with me, and encouraging me every single day. I really do not know what I was doing without you all of this time.