Restoration

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Restoration.

It is a new

State of being.

And one to celebrate.

I wake up,

And actually feel

Fully alive.

I feel

Rested.

Nothing feels

As extraordinary

As the peace

That comes with

Waking up.

To wake up in the morning

And to feel

Refreshed.

Not fatigued,

Drowsy,

Or still utterly exhausted.

To feel restored.

And having not felt

This energized

In so long –

I cannot help

But want to do

Everything.

Last year I was experiencing symptoms of fatigue and depression. I was not clinically diagnosed, but I knew what my body was telling me. It was screaming “slow down.” I would sleep for 12 hours per night, and then wake up feeling even more tired than I did before going to sleep. And for a whole year, I have been healing. But for months, it seemed like I was making no progress at all.

But I kept on, taking care of myself. I made sure to cut back on extra stressful activities such as intense exercise. Which was extremely hard for me because running is one of my favorite things to do. I continued to sleep for at least 8-9 hours per night. I made sure that my diet was well balanced and made some macronutrient adjustments. I implemented a regular practice of yoga. I drank herbal teas every night. Lots of lavender essential oil.

Most importantly- I opened my heart. I was so closed for almost a whole year and I hadn’t realized that this was contributing to my fatigue and depression until I had come out of it. I told myself and everyone around me, that I was OK. I pretended like nothing was wrong for so long, until everything that I was suppressing inside became all too heavy to handle.

I was under emotional stress and fatigue just as much as I was under physical stresses. I was confused, and broken-hearted. And I allowed myself to be confused and broken-hearted for almost 8 full months, which makes me sad to think about now. Obviously, I couldn’t sustain that and I eventually had to just let go.  Letting go was my savior but it did not come easily. I had to let go of a physical person and our relationship completely. And I had let go of mental ideals about the way that I thought that I should look. So I let go, but I still told myself that I would not open up to anyone for a long, long time. However, letting go allowed me to open fully.

Looking back on this time, I can still be thankful. When I wake up now – and with so much ease, might I add – I feel so blessed. The human body amazes me. My body truly amazes me. I was beating myself into the ground, and I felt so stuck. As humans we beat ourselves down, down, down- every single day. We tell ourselves that we need to do this, eat that, or act this certain way in order to be accepted. We have the highest expectations for our lives.

Everything is fleeting.

Expectations cage us.

Free yourself.

Let go.

My energy has been restored, and I can do the things that I love with passion again. I have been able to dive into so many amazing projects lately, and they have all presented themselves to me in perfect timing and alignment.

I don’t think that anyone can be immune to the grips of fatigue, depression, and anxiety. Unfortunately, this world’s environment is conducive to these things. These are to be fought against each and every day. But it is our choice to fight. There will be dark times that cannot be prevented, but the brighter times will shine even more so because of those dark times.

Choose energy.

I have learned that when the heart and mind are open, options are limitless. You are limitless. Never let one label, relationship, or assumption keep you trapped. Do not let those things steal your life. Know that you are capable of so much more than you could fathom.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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